Gay vs. Straight

Today will not be a review day. Instead I will be talking about the struggle occuring within me between straight Aram and gay Aram. So I'm sure not many people know that there are two basic version of Aram that are in constant battle. And I will first describe my two sets of personalities, and then I will try and see if I can come up with any solutions to my dillema.

I'll start with the gay version of Aram since most people know this Aram fairly decently. Gay Aram is they dancer, creative, crazy, impulsive one. He dances during the day, watches films and tv to catch up with society, and then dances the night away getting drunk in some club, preferrably with hip hop music so he can grind. He wants to feel good and usually wants to stay on top of society. He wants to be fashionable and buys the latest outfits and tries to figure out how to look good, mainly to attract men. He follows gossip, especially celebrity gossip, and also is very social. He also watches every musical he possibly can. I think you get the picture.

The other side is the straight side of Aram. He sits and does maths during his spare time. He doesn't care about fashion and only wears things to keep him warm. He sits and reads fantasy books in order to increase his foundational knowledge. He also tries and follows different philosophical thoughts and maintains interest in the sciences. He is very anti-social and would rather sit home by himself and learn about maths rather than go out. He plays video games during his spare time and also creates websites. I think you understand this picture also.

The conflict is, how do you live with both selfs? Some things I am easily able to compromise. In order to satisy my need to read fantasy books, and my need to follow society, I read fantasy books that everyone in society knows. For instance, currently I am reading The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman. But of course certain parts of me just can't cope with each other because they each require great deals of time in order to master which then causes me to be apathetic and doing nothing. The best example is my two basic needs in my life; to dance and to solve maths. Dancing takes a lot of training and must always be kept up. You need to wake up in the mornings and stretch and then dance a few hours during the day and also build up strength and endurance. You need to follow a healthy diet and also keep track of what your body wants. On the other hand, for maths, I need to constantly be on my toes with the latest ideas. I must read new books and new concepts in order to understand the basic foundational understanding of mathematics in order to be able to achieve any great discovery. Of course this requires reading book after book and to actually sit and do problems.

As you can probably see, these two don't really follow well together and so I struggle. Sometimes my gay side wins and I go out and party until the sun comes up. Sometimes my straight side wins and I stay cooped up in my room reading maths and doing random problems in order to satisfy my needs. But most of the time I am in between the two extremes and don't know what to do. I need to be active, but I need to do maths. It's an odd combination and I don't know how to satisfy it. That is why I usually just end up lying on my bed staring at the ceiling which doesn't help either of the causes.

I don't know what to do. How do you cope with having two personalities in constant conflict within your own body and being able to be successful? I wonder how DaVinci did it.

Currently Bisexual,
-Aram the Garmo