Suicidal Tendencies

I was having an atypically bad day today and of course it caused me to start thinking about suicide which is weird considering I haven't thought about that in ages. I don't even know what in particular brought on this onset of crazy emotions, but I know how to deal with it and I am just waiting for the next day to hit so that I don't do anything stupid. But today I thought that since I am feeling in this mood, why not discuss suicidal tendencies?

So there are a lot of people worldwide who think about suicide as a valid option for escape from their deteriorating lives. They think that having no life must be better than living in this hell hole. I can occasionally understand their point of view considering that I was suicidal for a good portion of my life, and so I speak with utmost respect for them, but what I don't like is when other people go on about talking about suicide as the worst thing a person can do to themselves. I do not agree with that. I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with suicide. In the end it is the person who is taking their own life, and since it is their body, their mind, their life that they are destroying, I think it should be their decision if they kill themselves. I think it can also be pretty cool to know exactly when and how you are going to die because then at least you can prepare for it. You can fix all the broken ties and leave on a happy note rather than on a tragic unexpected note that generally occurs with most deaths.

Others will try and say that suicide is actually a horrible thing to go through. It is selfish to think that it is only affecting yourself and that you will be hurting all of those people in your life that truly love you and depend on you to get through their own day. I think this is the only valid point against suicide, but at the same time, it is a weird concept. By telling someone that everyone else would be sad if they kill themselves it is almost like peer pressuring them into not offing themselves. I think it's weird that this form of peer pressure is thought of as good, but when peer pressure is used to get someone to start smoking it suddenly negative. I thought the point was to be your own individual and not let others peer pressure you to do anything you don't want to, such as live. So that is why I think it is sort of weird considering this option even though it is the only valid one.

I think the worst thing though is that in the states it is actually illegal to try and kill yourself. This makes complete and logical sense. Someone thinks they have a shit life, so instead of trying to make their lives better we are going to ruin it by giving them a fine/throwing them in jail (don't know the actualy sentence, but know it's illegal). Now where does that make sense? Make a suicidal person's life more miserable. Yes, I believe everyone should do that! Does the U.S. government really think that some random law is going to stop people from killing themselves? When you are dead, laws no longer apply! I mean if the U.S. wants to send dead people to prison then they can, but I feel our prisons already have too many people in them.

Now there are of course also success stories in which someone attempts to kill themselves, fails, and then leads a life and they suddenly are happy they never killed themselves. Now these stories don't occur very often, and are very one sided. You hear tons of these stories, but you never hear of the stories of the people who try and kill themselves, fail, and then wish for the rest of their lives that they actually went through with it. That may be because they are too afraid to come out in the open. Suicide is so badly looked upon that people are afraid to talk about it openly. Just like death, which is what I think the biggest factor in all of this is.

I don't personally understand why so many people are afraid of death. Everyone will encounter death in their lifetimes and so it is ridiculous to be afraid of it and to want it to never happen. If you stop someone from killing themselves now, they will eventually die anyway! You can't keep someone alive forever, and I don't see why you would want to. Yes, I understand that people fear death because it is unknown. YOu may have your faith telling you what is going to happen after you die, but you don't truly know. There is no scientific way (currently) of finding out what is going to happen to yourself after you die. And so because of this we are afraid of it. In fact we are deathly afraid of it (pun intended). But I don't like that fear, instead I like to consider it a celebration. Instead of being sad that someone died, why not celebrate the life they had? Everyone has some bit of their life that must have been extraordinary to someone. Even serial killers must have some good portion of their lives that is interesting to someone else. So why not celebrate that they were here, had fun some of the time, effected people positively, and moved on into the next phase of existance called death. I think being sad at someone's death is actually very selfish. The only reason you are sad is because you are no longer going to have the opportunity to say that one thing that you wanted, or to hug them one last time, or to have their presence. Basically, you are sad because YOU wanted them to still be alive. That is a pretty selfish thing to want I must say. But I guess it is in the nature of people to be selfish, which again loops back around to people killing themselves, selfish.

So I may be sad that people die, or kill themselves, but I am not going to let that sadness grow. Death is the end of your life which is fun, but I don't want death to be a sad thing. Instead I feel it should be celebrated. And I feel if someone does kill themselves, it shouldn't be considered sinful, or 'bad', instead it should be considered honorary that the person had enough guts that they were able to actually kill themselves. It should be honoured like in the olden days when suicide was sometimes considered very honourable.

So I will let you all think about that one as I get myself prepared for a long night of massive depression and not wanting to talk to anyone and just wanting the day to be over, because my selfish needs of self-fulfillment are not done yet.

Suicidely yours,
-Aram the Garmo