Aloneness

[Note: I didn't know if I wanted this in my blog, but decided why not just throw it in, so it is backdated to the day I wrote it, and has not been edited, and obviously was never finished.]

I think life can sometimes be a funny thing. We begin our lives attached to one person, literally. We eat, breathe, drink, think, and do everything this other person does. We don't even know it until a few years later, but this person is our mother. From here we are attached to a unit called a family. This unit in most cases consists of a mother, a father, and occasionally siblings or grandparents. From here on you are considered part of a family and your every move is noticed. Every sound you make is heard, every step you take is stared at, every time you touched something you were glared at; everything was noticed. You had a whole family with you; you were not alone.

You slowly grow older and you become aware of everything you are doing. You go into a form of the real world called school. In school you realise there are other people in your age group! For some reason or another you choose others like you that have similar tastes. You call them your friends and you start to do everything together. Whenever your family wasn't there, your friends were, and vice versa. You always had somewhere to be with you; you were not alone.

Eventually you start growing hairs in unexpected places. The grownups call it puberty, but you call it awkwardness. Some get acne, and some get breasts. It is an awkward time, and so you begin to withdraw. At the same time you also begin to realise that you are your own human being and start to become unique. Usually you would rebel against your parents, and have friends doing it too. You start doing everything with your friends, and when you are home, you are secretly wishing you are back with your friends. Your family keeps wanting to stay in your life, but you push them away and keep only your friends, but as long as you have your friends, you are not alone.

From then on, you keep your friends for a while. Sometimes you may lose them all and go back to your family for support. Your family will take you with open arms. Sometimes your family rejects you and so you stick with your friends, who take you with open arms. In either case there is a form of humans that stick by you. They are the people you turn to in case of problems, questions, and other such things that may arise; you are not alone.

The question becomes, what happens if somewhere along the line this system fucks up? What happens if you are desperatly, and utterly alone, sometimes literally. When alone, the world sucks. It doesn't matter what the world throws at you, there is only you behind the bat. If it's something simple then you are easily able to get back on track and keep going. On the other hand if it is something large and unavoidable, then you have problems. Being alone there is no where you can turn for support, there is no helping hand for guidance, there is no one standing behind you helping with the bat. And due to this you may not be able to swing hard enough to hit the problem away. What do you do then?

That question is very difficult because it then depends on the person. If you were utterly alone, what would you do? And I don't mean fake aloneness where you think you are alone, but you truly have people there helping you out and you just forget them; I mean when something happens where you can't even talk to any of your friends because either you can't tell them, or they refuse to listen or are not in a capacity to listen, and you also can't talk to your family because they are otherwise distracted and won't come to you for anything. What do you do when you are literally alone and a hard problem is thrown in your face?

And if you say turn to a topic you enjoy and work on it, such as a hobby and such, then let me add a stipulation. Pretend you don't have a hobby, that most of the time you just sit there and do nothing with your life. That in fact there is no point to your life and that only your computer would miss you if anything were to happen because they would miss you typing on them. The warmth of your fingers, the way they land on each key at almost the exactly same spot each time, the repetition of key hitting speed that does not change and can therefore sustain a liveable environment; your computer would miss you. But the problem would still hit you, head on. How do you deal with it?

Would you just dismiss it and hope it eventually goes away? Is letting it stand there staring at you an acceptable form of dealing with the problem? Is yelling at it at the top of your lungs helpful in the situation, causing a brief moment of insanity?

Lonely,
-Aram the Garmo